Pleasure To Meet You

Intuition = “The Devil”

   As a child I would experience things that I could not really explain to my family so I’ve always felt like the odd one out.  My Grandmother was a Christian and there were no such things as “ghosts” or spirits or intuition. Your intuition was actually “the devil” according to my Grandmother and this stuck with me for a very long time. I would experience instances where I would know what someone was thinking and feeling and didn’t know how. This led me to take on the thoughts and feelings of others as my own because I was unaware that I was an empath. So my childhood memories for me are very dark and lonely. Most would say externally I had a wonderful childhood but internally this was not the case. I knew if a person, place, or situation was positive or negative based on the “gut” feelings that I would have.  My entire energy would change all of a sudden but how can a child explain this to an adult. My childhood home had “ghosts” as I called them growing up due to the tons of scary movies that my Grandmother would watch all day, every day. Naturally everyone in the household took to watching horror movies even myself even though they scared me half to death and didn’t make what I was experiencing in our childhood home any better.

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Being Strangled

   There were things happening in our home that truly scared me and when I would go to my Grandmother and tell her she would always tell me that it’s just my imagination and there’s no such thing as “ghosts”. She would then proceed to tell me if I heard or felt something within not to listen to it because it was the “devil” and I would go to hell. I remember feeling and thinking that there were some things my Grandmother would do or say and I felt like she was “back-sliding” as they call it when you do things that are un-Christian like.  I remember clearly an instance that shaped my life and how I dealt with things and people moving forward.  Being a child and especially an older relative to a younger one we do things to annoy them, not saying they are right but we do and if I’m not mistaken my cousin did something to my little sister and I’s Barbie dolls so I remember putting Vaseline inside of his slippers and when my Grandmother found out she ran to me calling me the devil while she strangled me in front of my little sister and little cousin. In my mind this was all related to our conversations before about me being able to sense things. I had always had a feeling within that she didn’t too much care for me because of how she treated me vs. how she treated my older sister and my cousin but this really did it for me.

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Astrology Interest

   I had always been interested in Astrology and would read my horoscopes as a teenager but then I would remember how I heard astrology was the “devil” and not of GOD. I never pursued it and eventually just let it go; I didn’t want to go to “hell”. I was unaware of all of the other divination tools and even about metaphysics because it was not anything that was readily available or taught within my surroundings. This made it quite easy for me to stay away and not go deeper even though I felt called to do something different with my life. I started to go about life in a much more logical way just like everyone else in my family.

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“Forgetting My True-Self”

   As I reached my 20’s I started to have lots and lots of trust issues, not just with others but myself as well. I could not trust if I was making the right decisions because I did not want to trust my intuition. I always felt like I was lost and needed guidance so I was on a search mission in a sense.  I am naturally a “loner” and an introvert but it became more so as I aged. I kept my distance from certain family members because of how they treated me and made me feel because I did not know that I could express my “true self” without being judged. Making these decisions made life much more comfortable and bearable for me. The less people I surrounded myself with the less I would feel like I had to be someone else. My life became one of logic and I buried the empathic parts of myself. I’ve always known that there was more to life and especially my life but I wanted to make sure I did what was expected of me even through the distance.

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Doing What Was Expected of Me

   I eventually attended college for Accounting since I loved working with numbers and took a huge liking to my Accounting class in the twelfth grade. I worked mostly customer service jobs and at times found myself working two jobs while attending school just so that I could afford to pay for school and pay all of my other bills. Would you believe that I still felt unfulfilled?! I made tons of mistakes along the way, ended up in situations that could have been avoided had I listened to my intuition, and I eventually tried to fit in with everyone else just so that I could be and feel “normal” like everyone else. This led me to partying, drinking, & smoking marijuana.  These things were not so much as fun to me but for me at this point in life it was all about the experiences that helped me to drown out how I was truly feeling and what I was dealing with inside that I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell anyone about. It allowed me to avoid, numb, and distract myself from whom I truly was and made me feel like I finally belong. I carried on in this matter throughout my entire 20’s almost. As you know this lifestyle didn’t get me very far and eventually I grew very tired.

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No Passion & No Real Connections

   I started to realize that my life was not where I wanted it to be. I had no passion when it came to the many jobs that I had held; they were just jobs for me and a means to bring in income to support the “bad habits” that I had taken up. I had no real connections because I never tapped into that deeper part of myself. That was something I had also shut down. I had friends and even a best friend at that time and we did almost everything and went almost everywhere together but I really didn’t know how to be a friend. I didn’t know how to be a friend to myself so how could I possibly know how to be a friend to someone else. The closer I was getting to my 30’s I started to slow this lifestyle down. I no longer wanted to feel like I was not being my true authentic self and staying true to myself.  I then disappeared from everyone and everything that I had known up until this point and only kept in contact with one friend of whom is my one and only best friend until this day. My best friend is a tarot reader and had always asked me to go with her to get a reading and I would always decline because I didn’t want to go to “hell” and didn’t want anyone to tell me my future.  During this time I had learned about tarot through her but still didn’t have the education behind it so I thought that’s what the tarot was all about. I find it funny that during this time of release, she was the only friend I had not let go of at this time. But this change that I craved did not happen as fast as I had thought it would. I would be around 32 years old when I would have had what I call my most “affective” spiritual awakening.

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Miscarriage

   I started to see a glimpse of the changes after I had a miscarriage at the age of 31. Now during this time I was still partaking into my “old” lifestyle, I just slowed down. I was not partying at all anymore but had not yet let go of drinking and smoking. I want to say I didn’t know that I was pregnant but in all actuality we women all have this “knowing” what is our intuition. So I was in denial at this point. I was still not ready to let go everything that had come to be so comforting to me so I did not go to the doctor. My boyfriend at the time and myself started to notice the weight gain and he kept saying to me to take a pregnancy test and eventually I did. The test came back positive and I was so ecstatic that I decided I was done with drinking and smoking. I had scheduled my appointment to see my doctor on May 17, 2018. A couple of days before my doctor’s appointment, I started to bleed and I knew that I had lost our baby. I no longer felt that connection within me; it felt like something was missing. I called my boyfriend to tell him and he’s also so positive and told me everything was okay just to wait until I go to my appointment so I did. It wasn’t confirmed on that day, but they knew something wasn’t right so I they took lots of blood tests and told me to schedule for an ultrasound. A few days later my doctor called to tell me that I no longer needed to have an ultrasound and that I was going through a miscarriage based on my numbers and what they see.

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Relapse

   I was “lost” again and didn’t know what else to do. I had no one to talk to that I felt would understand and I really didn’t want to tell anyone not even my best friend. So I had no support throughout the entire miscarriage; my boyfriend was dealing with everything in his own way by himself. I felt like it was my fault entirely. I couldn’t help but think if I had stopped drinking and smoking sooner I wouldn’t have lost our baby. Work was starting to become too much to bare, I was always exhausted, and I just didn’t want to deal with working at a call center full time where I had to listen to other people and their “problems”.  So what does one do with a history of avoiding, numbing, and distracting you ask? They go back to what they know “works”. I didn’t go back to doing everything that I was prior but I did pick back up on smoking marijuana and I dropped down my hours from full to part time thinking that all of this would help me. Which it did for a moment until it didn’t anymore; it hadn’t dawned on me at this time that I was dealing with the symptoms of a depression.

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Deep , Dark, & Lonely Depression

   I started to call off of work, sleeping all day, and not wanting to be bothered with anyone or anything. So I started to binge watch YouTube and eventually spiritual channels and videos would appear in my notification feed. It started off with self-help and self-awareness channels and videos and then spiritual awakening channels. These were the videos that helped me to realize that I was in a deep dark depression. There were tarot, astrology, oracle, and Lenormand channels that followed shortly after. I found myself calling into work not to sleep and get some rest but now to binge watch YouTube videos. These were really helping me to understand myself and my situation on a much deeper level. I could feel these things on a much deeper level and they resonated with me oh so well. I was finally starting to work through my feelings and mourn my loss. I was truly ready for the change that I had always needed and eventually I put in my two weeks’ notice and started to “study” and get to learn who I truly was.

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Waking Up To True-Self

   Here it is around July 2019 so I was 32 years old and I woke up one day and said, “I need to start meditating”. I broke up with my boyfriend, decided that I was on a permanent short break from the work force, and was moving to Florida with my older sister to not only be a part of my niece’s birth but help my sister with my niece as well. My plan was to eventually find me a job in Florida so that I could find a place of my own. But before I had left I ended up locating a meditation centre here in Michigan so I called my best friend and asked if she would like to attend a silent retreat at the meditation centre with me. We didn’t go right away; I was packing things up and selling things in the apartment so that I would be ready to head to Florida in 3 months. We decided to attend the silent retreat and Pure Meditation Peace class that was scheduled for September 27-29 2019! This marks the day of my new Journey To KnowWhere!

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Inner-Standings

   Now that name didn’t come to me at this time but this was the start of my new life on this new journey that I had avoided by numbing and distracting myself away from who I truly am and meant to be. I started meditating regularly, took an in-depth meditation course and finally started to feel like that little girl who had no explanation, no guidance, or help in understanding herself and knowing that it’s okay to be herself to being that little girl that has grown into the woman that now understands and accepts herself for who and what she truly is and came here for.  That little girl inside now knows that those were her gifts shining through as a child and no one had education around this in her family so that’s why they couldn’t educate her or understand her because they really don’t understand themselves yet. We are all on a journey of remembering and she now understands this. She has forgiven all and can move forward!

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Journey To KnowWhere

  I did move to Florida for a few months and while on the road to Florida is where the name, “Journey To KnowWhere” came to me. I knew I had started my new journey. I did move back to Michigan where I ended up having my beautiful daughter at the age of 34 and ironically her sun sign is an Aquarius just like my mother and I. I now know why I had my miscarriage, I just was not ready, my daughter is highly sensitive and she has come here to make a huge impact and change in the world and the state that I was in back then I would not have been able to guide her the way she need to be guided. Everything in life makes so much sense to me now, even all of the ups and downs that I had to go through to get to where I am. I will be able to make sure she accepts herself and all of her gifts as early on as she can.

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Where I Am Today

   After my daughter was born I got a call to start studying metaphysics with my best friend while continuing my meditation journey and that brings me to where I am now. I am still learning new and old things about myself and my gifts. The gifts that I am already aware of I am honing those and nurturing those while also educating myself about my new gifts. One thing I can say is ever since I started on this journey I see my life and all life in a new and wonderful light. This has helped me navigate through life in a much more peaceful, understanding, and compassionate way. I accept that I am an empath, I am a sensitive spirit and that’s okay. There is a place for all of us here and we came here to do certain things that require us to be a certain type of way. We just have to learn how to navigate the world with these abilities. With the guidance, love, and support from The Divine Infinite Beloved and my Guru I finally feel and know that I am being true to myself and doing that “more” in life that I came here to do that I had always been searching for and didn’t realize it.

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Value of Knowing One’s True-Self

   Not knowing one’s self and not staying true to one’s self can lead to a road in life of self-destruction. Some can get so lost that we never find our way back in the current lifetime. I truly believe that changing and knowing one’s self is how you know and change the world. You have a better understanding of people, you become more compassionate, empathetic which brings about more unity and connection. It strengthens the external and internal bonds that we all carry for one another. Our intuition is strengthened which allows us to trust ourselves and others more. We truly start to have that strong connection and bond to our higher selves, the cosmos, our Divine Infinite Beloved, our Gurus, God, our Goddesses, our spiritual masters, our guides, our  ancestors, loved ones that has passed on, the universe, whichever words may resonate with you. We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. The only difference is I became aware of who and what I am and most importantly made it my mission to stay true to myself. I then became aware of the part I am meant to play in the evolution and advancement of humanity and the way in which I am meant to make this impact. I then decided to dedicate my life to this mission through this field of work. As so many others have helped me get to this point in my life, I feel it is part of my mission here on earth in this lifetime to help others discover their true self, so they can become more self-aware to eventually reach self-realization and ultimately self-mastery! I invite you to embark on this Journey To KnowWhere with me🤗. Peace, Unconditional Love & Light Beautiful Spirits💚💙💚!!!